[video]
I really wish you’d appreciate me.. and Love me how I love you. You say you do, but how you act doesn’t make it seem like you do. I feel like you take for granted how much I care for you. Maybe I’m obcessed with you, or maybe I’m just in love. When I see other guys flirting with you, I get upset. I start shaking, and worrying. It’s the weirdest thing, and has never happened to me with anyone else. I want you to be mine forever.. You aren’t just “some girl” to me. Your initials are on my hand forever for a reason. I Love you, oh so much.. I just don’t know what to think sometimes.. You are the only thing keeping me positive. My life is going NOWHERE it seems like, and I feel like I’m a NOBODY. I have nothing going for me other than trying to find some shitty minimum wage job that I hate but work anyways in hopes of being able to have money to come see you..
I Love you. :/
With a capital L.
Here’s some real talk for all of you listening,
This goes out to all the people that think they know me,
when really, there’s so much more than the eye can see.
It’s not easy, to live like this,
when the only thing I want, is just to be free.
Nobody will ever understand how hard it is, just to be myself.
Feeling like I’m lost, living as somebody else.
but no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be the person I strive to be.
What I hate, is the ignorance, being judged upon what people have heard,
when they don’t even know what it’s like, this life is just absurd.
how they judge based upon looks, and word of mouth,
but they don’t know, because ignorance is bliss.
but how can you think you’re better, when you don’t even know you as yourself.
you don’t even know for yourself, just who you are, because you feel like someone else.
It’s tough, living a life of someone else, feeling like you just don’t belong.
life is a bitch, or say they say, but the horror just never seems to completely go away.
Now I’m sitting here, thinking to myself, writing my life in this song
and I ask myself, why do I live like this?
For other people, all they do is just get handed a plastic card.
and as for me, I work where I can. Whether or not the work is hard.
This shit just got real, because you don’t even know who I are,
yet you sit there, talk shit out the window of your parents car.
When I work just to eat, and pay off all my bills.
But I have big aspirations, that will someday be fullfilled.
My life will not be in vain, I will someday be myself,
no matter how much it takes, this dream will come true, not pushed back on the shelf.
Yeah I’m hated, but the one true thing in life is not lost,
the happiness I deserve to have, that dream I hold, no matter what the cost.
As for Love, I’ve fallen deeply. Loving this girl who doesn’t even understand me completely.
She’s by far the most beautiful girl in my eyes, the only one I care about so deeply.
Me and you, are like fire and gasoline.
So much is left between us, knowing how you hurt me, and wondering about what’s unseen.
Not knowing if you truely love me and care, constantly having a broken heart.
How can you even say you love me, when all you do is tear me apart?
I wish I could know for sure, whether or not what we have is real.
I can’t even trust you on some damn website with how you make me feel.
I feel like I’m just another guy to you, because there a million who pursue you.
I’m just one of the naive ones, who actually believes in you, even though you do what you do.
Even though I say this, I just wanna believe you. You give me hope to be who I can be.
There are times when what we have is so deep, and I feel that you love me, for me.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?
Ali..
and cigarettes.
We met the day after Valentine’s day. I thought you were oh-so-perfect. You’re so gorgeous, and you have the cutest voice. We skyped, and made each other cute little signs saying all these cute little things. I fucked it up, and started dating someone else because I thought you had abandoned me, or got bored with me. I don’t even know what I was thinking, but you quit talking to me so I assumed the worst. That’s just how I am, I’m not a positive person. We have dated a few times after that. Everytime it just kept getting worse and worse. It seems like you only want to play with my heart, because all you do is play these games with me. It’s the most painful experience, emotionally to have the person you Love, the person who keeps you alive, play with your head like that. You say you Love me, and that you want to be with me, but all you do is play with me. It’s like you don’t understand how much I Love you, and how much I care for you. You’ve called me names, you’ve cheated on me, you’ve done horrible things, and made me want to commit suicide. I stayed strong, because I figured that someday you would come around, and learn that I really do Love you, more than anyone else in the entire world. I’ve lost hope in that thought now, because I can see that you aren’t going to change. Our problems are enormous. You flirt with other boys while we are “together” and you ignore me. I can’t stand being ignored, period. I don’t think you quite understand how much it affects me, when you do this to me. I’ve never met someone who can make me feel like you make me feel. It’s like I forget everyone else in the world, and nothing else matters to me. The thought of losing you makes me cry, because I can’t live without you. I Love you, so much. I feel stupid, but if you can’t stand feeling stupid, you’ll never be in Love. Love makes you do stupid things, I get so paranoid that you’re going to leave me, that I text you non-stop when you don’t text me back. It does me no good, because in the end you leave me, and we don’t talk for weeks, or months. I must not be good enough for you. I understand though, because I’m not a good person; apparently. I’m not good enough for you, even though nobody has ever shown you they care as much as I do. I drove up to go meet you, and you blew me off. I don’t think I’ve ever had a more rough night, then I did that one. It was terrible, I was heartbroken, and near tears. I’m not a masculine guy, I know that. I accept who I am, I’ll never be like any other guy, because I’m not really a guy, in that sense. I just.. Love you so much, and I wish you could see that, and we could be “perfect” again. That’s the only thing I ever want..
I live for you, I breath for you, everyday we aren’t talking I think about you, and get sad, and want to cry because you aren’t talking to me.
I wish you could understand how I care for you, and how I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don’t care what anyone says about you, I’ll chase after you until my dying day. Even if it means being as hurt as I am right now, the feelings you give me are worth far more than the pain. Maybe that’s pathetic, but that’s Love. I will always forgive you, and come back to you, no matter what price my emotional state pays.
I love you so much, Alexandra Roseann Hargrove..